I'd have to say one of the biggest differences MIM and I had during and after our relationship was the polar opposite cultural beliefs on dating and relationships. In the states, we begin dating from a young age. Many children begin referring to a boy or girl they like as their boyfriend/girlfriend in kindergarten! (That's about age six if you don't know).
By middle school and high school there's school dances, football games, and many other activities for young couples which seem to endorse dating. Still, even though the options to meet someone and date were always there, my first boyfriend wasn't until I was 18, the age of a legal adult and out of high school.
My first relationship lasted about a year and a half. Since then, I've never felt badly about having boyfriends, or going on dates, or ending something after a few weeks or months after deciding it wasn't right for me. It's simply called dating and it's what we do here in the western world. It allows us to learn more about who we are and what we want in a partner. It's completely normal.
Does it always lead to better decision making? No.
Could there be emotional issues such as broken hearts and scarring along the way? Sure.
Do I think it'd be nice to skip all the hardships and simply be provided a partner and to make it work no matter what? Read: Arranged Marriage. Perhaps only when I'm really fed up.
But it's a freedom I am personally very thankful for. With each new person in my life I've learned not only more about myself, but more about the world around me. I've lived experiences I would have never had, I've traveled to places I would have never seen, I've met people I would have never met and I've learned a great deal what I want and do not want in a partner. I've also learned how to be a better person/partner myself.
So it royally PISSES me off when MIM throws these experiences in my face to make me feel badly about myself just because he was brought up an entirely different way: schools segregated, absolutely no dating before marriage, arranged marriages, and so on.
MIM and I have kept in touch lightly since our breakup. We send messages that usually go along the lines of, "how are you doing", or, "what's new in your life?". We even had a short hang out moment when I returned home from the ship. But ending our relationship made MIM very angry and upset and at times when he's really feeling frustrated he takes his anger out on me. This is when he decides calling me a "whore" will do the trick. Because in his mind, me leaving him and now dating other people places me in this category. "A selfish whore," to be exact.
Yeah, we're getting real in this email, big time.
MIM wasn't always like this. He was very sweet and genuine. But throughout our relationship he did at times make me feel badly about having other men in my life previous to him. And now, he continues to try to make me feel bad even though he and I are over.
In many cases, I have been able to remain friends with past boyfriends because we have a mutual upbringing and understanding when it comes to dating and relationships. But I am beginning to see I am not able to remain being friends with MIM due to our extremely different views on the subject.
We had a good three years together, the longest relationship I've been in so far. And this is surely the part I hate; when things change so much you feel like you don't even know that person anymore.
I don't know MIM anymore.
A warning to girls who may be in relationships with men who feel the same way MIM does about your previous partners: Do NOT let these men belittle your experiences or make you feel badly about yourself. I would suggest you get out of any relationship that ever makes you feel this way. If they are making you feel this way, stand up for yourself the same way I recently have and say, "Don't you EVER think you can speak to me that way again, EVER!"
Being in an intercultural relationship is hard. But you shouldn't have to change anything about yourself to make it work. Find someone who accepts you for exactly who you are.
That's the lesson I take away from this entire experience.
