Recently, a few readers have been asking about MIM and I's status.

I do feel like it's time for an update and an explanation; especially to those who have been following MIM and I's relationship from the very beginning. A few readers have expressed disagreement with me regarding how much personal information I divulge here, but I started this blog primarily to share my experiences in an intercultural relationship with the hopes of reaching out to others like me: those either in an intercultural relationship or looking to find out more about them. Because I don't expose my or MIM's real names or true identities, I continue to feel just fine with everything I have shared so far and what I'm about to share.

So, here's what's going on these days: MIM and I haven't communicated in a month. I know I said I needed some time to myself to clear my head and reevaluate, but I never imagined it would lead to absolute zero communication between us. Still, since the moment we both walked away from each other a month ago, neither of us has tried to contact the other. This is a first in our relationship.

What caused us to walk away from each other that day was an argument. A simple, pointless argument all couples have and which are usually resolved quite easily. But when a pointless argument turns into two people not communicating for as long as we have, you know it wasn't the argument that did it, but something much, much deeper.

What's more interesting is what we argued about: MIM had said his usual, "You Americans" hash, and I suppose since I just returned from India after being overwhelmed with mean comments, mixed with uncertainties and stress, that instead of my usual response - a laugh and an eye roll - my guard was up and I defended my country by saying, "Well, YOU Indians..."

Stupid, right? So, so stupid. But my, "You Indians..." was enough to shut MIM down completely. Which in turn really upset me because I was thinking; why can he point fingers at Americans and I can't do the same in return?

And then I couldn't believe we just got in an America versus India fight. I couldn't believe our relationship had gone down that road. I couldn't believe in that moment I saw him as a mean blog commenter, out to attack me, and not my MIM. But, I did. And I was so frustrated with all things Indian at that point that I couldn't have cared less that I did.

Basically, at that moment, I was so over all the questions and concerns and stress that comes with an intercultural relationship.

My experience in India - wow - it had effects on me I never imagined it would or could. But I knew in time what I was experiencing and feeling would settle, and I believe now it has. But even though some of the anxieties have gone away, I still haven't decided if fixing things between MIM and I is the best option right now. The last thing I want to do is keep going back and forth, dragging MIM along the bumpy road with me.

On a positive note, the time to myself has been great. I realized I really needed this time for introspection and growth, and to see what life is like without MIM. For the past three years, he's been there. Now that he's not, finding things to do to fill up all the empty space has been sort of nice. I'm playing my guitar and singing more, making time for old friends that I let slip away, and getting out and doing completely random things again. Towards the end of our relationship, I started complaining that I was bored, and that our relationship was becoming too routine. There were definitely warning signs that a break up was on the horizon.

A failing relationship can never be blamed on just one person. I hope during this time away from each other that MIM is also introspective and growing, and realizing it takes two to tango. It took two to make this relationship and two to break it. All I want to hear from him is that he understands that, and that we both need to work on things. I don't want to take all the blame anymore. I simply want him to understand my point of view.

So, that's it dear readers. MDG and MIM are experiencing a bump in the road. Like one of those big Indian speed bumps. But it's ok. This is how relationships go sometimes, even ones where two people care very deeply about each other.  We'll figure it out soon.

You know I'll be keeping you posted.

I caught "A Baby Story" on this morning while eating breakfast and wouldn't you know it was a Muslim man and Christian woman! With all this talk about what kind of wedding to have and how to raise children of intermixed faiths, it was interesting to me that this episode happened to be on. And, it was interesting how this couple broke down their compromises:

They had a small Muslim ceremony with few friends and family.

Then, they had a large Christian wedding with white dress and suits and ties.

BUT, the woman decided to convert to Islam. She is shown with a head scarf reading the Quran while he is performing prayer.

If the child is born a boy, his middle name will be Muhammad after the father's dad.

If the child is born a girl, her middle name will be Catherine (Kay for short) after the mother's mom.

The woman stated their children will be Muslim but celebrate Christian holidays. And as her best friend is Jewish, she hopes the children will learn and have respect for all religions.

The baby was born a girl, and they named her Leena which when I looked it up, is a Muslim name and means 'tender'.

So, that's how one couple did it. And oh, the baby was sooo cute! I could tell that the episode was taped awhile ago, so I'm wondering how the couple is doing today and if things are still running as smooth as they hoped they would be.

It was a beautiful fall day yesterday and I was excited MIM agreed to meet with me. Luckily I was driving, because when he wanted to end the conversation and go home I was able to hold him hostage and force him to take a long drive with me through the country until we reached the lake.

At the lake we snapped a few photos, like the one above showing the beautiful white sandy beaches (heh heh). Oh but, isn't it the perfect photo to display what we are going through at this moment: a little distant and a lot of cracks to mend.

A reader asked, "So what have you decided? Are you going to stay together?" And my answer is this: We don't know. We sure still have a good time together, and we sure still act like two people in love, but we still haven't gotten past our differences. What's guaranteed to happen is I'm going away for six months to a year. And I think within that time apart a lot of answers may just unfold. Either we'll learn we can't and don't want to live without each other and will be happy to compromise on anything, or we'll simply drift apart...

I really just want time. I want time to think about life, time to think about what I really want and need in a life partner, time to think about what I'm willing or not willing to compromise on. I think MIM needs the same thing. I think me opening this can of worms also got him thinking more seriously about his needs and wants. It's been a good thing all around, I think.

Most of us have heard the saying, “The grass isn’t always greener on the other side”. This can relate to many things: having more money may not necessarily be better than lacking money, the hunky husband of your coworker who sends flowers every week might be an abuser or cheater behind closed doors, someone who has your dream job might be hating every second of it, and on and on. As humans, we tend to always think the grass is greener somewhere else. We have trouble being happy the way we are, or in the positions we find ourselves in. We think, if I just had that job, or that car, or that house, or that husband, or lost weight, my life would be great. I would finally be happy.

I missed church this weekend due to working, and a friend of mine who went told me I missed a good one. Our pastor was talking about “Pure Relationships”. Luckily, the church puts all the sermons online as podcasts and I was able to steal a moment to listen to it. In it, our pastor was talking about “the grass is greener” belief and relating it to relationships. After he preached for a moment about it, he practically screamed, “PEOPLE, THE GRASS GROWS WHERE YOU WATER IT!”

This saying really struck me. Are you feeding your grass (relationships) enough to keep them green, or is it drying up, turning yellow, and dying before your eyes? A reader recently posted a comment expressing how lucky she thought I was to have such a perfect lover. I had to laugh a bit at this, because I don’t think we’re anything near perfect. In fact, it’s a daily struggle. Our relationship needs a lot of watering. Dating a non citizen, international student of another culture and religion isn’t easy. Add to that we’re both job searching and unable to marry and support ourselves together right now makes it even harder. Without daily watering (and maybe in our case adding a little Miracle Grow) we would have shriveled up and died a long time ago.

The blog really helps in this case for me. Every time I post, I feel like I’ve sprinkled a little water on us. Every time MIM sends me a sweet letter, poem or song, he’s done his part too. Think about the person you love right now. What are you doing to keep your grass green? Stop looking over the fence at your neighbor’s yard while your own gets ignored and abandoned. And really, no relationship is perfect. In the end they all take a lot of work and dedication. As the saying goes, nothing worth doing is ever easy!

Water the grass in your relationships and reap the benefits.