I have been busy the past couple days helping my friend pack up her entire apartment - basement included - and moving it into her childhood home. Times are tough as we know, and her parents were greatly affected by the crashing economy. Moving out of her own place would free up some extra bills, which she can then apply to her parent's. Sounds very Indian of her, doesn't it?
Her and I have been friends for 22 years. We have been told many times we look like sisters. But it wasn't until now that I realized she was a:
Compulsive shopper and closet hoarder!
I was dying to take a photo of her place with items strewn everywhere and post it so I could clearly get my point across to you, but that would be SO wrong to do to her! She was quite embarrassed by it; being very selective as to who she let inside to help pack. I felt like a horrible friend not knowing this about her sooner, but she had her ways of storing and hiding everything from view. Her place was almost always spotless when I came over, so I still have no idea where all the stuff came from. I think she must have trap doors underneath the floorboards and in the walls. I teased her to no end, even though I really think this is a serious problem that needs some attending to!
One thing I liked about India is how simply most people live. Many houses have very simple furnishings, hardly even a photo frame graces the walls. Americans live in surplus, it's true. What makes us believe we need to have so much stuff to be happy?
Lucky for me, I grew up with parents who pinched pennies and it rubbed off on me. We used to pack a toaster in our suitcase when we traveled so we could make toast in our hotel rooms and save money by not eating out. (There are so many more stories where that came from!) So growing up this way, I also like to live minimally and get rid of things I don't use frequently.
There's a show on American television these days called Hoarders. It's hard to watch this show while eating. (I'd advise not to). But I always wonder if Indians happened to tune into this show what they would think of Americans and our inability to quench our never-ending thirst for stuff.
So, I arrived home at 3am last night from a 14 hour packing marathon, tired and sore, after eight of us packed, trashed, cleaned, hauled, unpacked, and shook our heads in astonishment during the entire process. The saying is true; the more you earn the more you spend. I was very thankful at this moment I have never earned enough to buy so much useless stuff!
Hello compulsive shopper here!
I lived the past 4 months in utter destitution, basically if I weren’t living with my parents I wouldn’t have ate. For the first time since I earned my first paycheck (in 1997) I wasn’t able to buy shit. I have learned I can live with out it. And even though I have had money for the past few weeks, the only thing I’ve bought (other than food) is a $5 dress (that admittedly I didn’t need)but that is a HUGE improvement for me.
actually there are many people here in india whose houses would scare you. my boyfriend’s mother lives in a house that from the outside is fantastic, but inside, it’s so packed and repacked and re-re-packed with stuff. she has plastic bags for random things so plastic bags all over the house, and it sounds funny but it’s so sad – plastic bags full of plastic bags for “any emergencies”. it is a form of mental illness as she is simply unable to process the idea of giving any of her stuff away even clothes that have rotted away after years in a suitcase. he’s tried for years to get her to give it away, unsuccessfully. you cannot imagine the sadness i feel on seeing how he’s living.
So hoarding exists outside of the US? It’s a legitimate mental illness, I feel so sad for his mother.
I guess since it is a mental illness it must happen everywhere. It’s just so hard for us to think of people from countries with so little to begin with to be able to have this problem.
With all due respect, may I suggest that the illness attacks based on gender and not on nationality
.
@GDR with all due respect, no you may not suggest it has anything to do with gender. Men hoard too, watch American Pickers and you will see many men with sheds full of absolute junk.
My dad is a hoarder! My parents live in the country so he just builds new sheds to accommodate his collections of stuff. He has three sheds now!! His hoarding is so bad that if he takes a load of rubbish to the rubbish tip, he’ll bring a load of stuff home with him… old appliances that people had thrown out because they weren’t working. He’d then fix them, and put them in the shed!
oh no sharell! that must be the worst, you never really see how much you’ve accumulated if you just keep building more and more storage spaces. My friend buys huge Tupperware containers to stash all her stuff from sight.
I love stuff!!
Even though I didn’t have much growing up my mother is quite the hoarder.
We used to go to house auctions (the kind where every piece of furniture is sold off – like a deceased estate except the owners were living) and snag little antiquities.
My mother has an unusual penchant for collecting clocks, and uncovering valuable antiques for small change…
For her it was like a business, buying things on the cheap – selling them for more or retaining the pieces she fell in love with.
My house was never cluttered, but aptly homely!
We had antique lamps, pianolas and endless pretty things – all off limit to the children of course.
Now I am older my Mother is planning to start offloading some of her jewels and prized pieces to the next generation.
Well this post got me thinking I ending up making post well kind of ranting and talking about me and my speind and what I’m doing to stop it. here is the link to my post
http://www.nickelosinterculturalworldandthoughts.com
check it out if you like you have good point in here me I getting rid of what I don’t want need or use even posting some on ebay and yard sale too. I feel that I don’t need to stuff to be happy
Whoa. My girlfriend is a closet hoarder too. She doesn’t admit it but she has so many clothes and shoes, its crazy. And guess what, she shops every week for new dresses and shoes, yes. She has rooms full of dresses, shoes, lingerie stuff, and just so much stuff. She is a compulsive shopper, but has very little self control. And guess what, she is always complaing about her parents who are hoarders too, and how they shop all the time when they don’t have money to do so, and she gets so mad and sad when they do it. My girlfriend is in heavy debt too. But that has never stopped her from buying her stuff, which are always on “sale”. I love my girlfriend, and she badly needs help. But she is so sensitive about this topic and I can’t talk to her about it without her getting mad. We need help.
I blame media for a lot of things, excessive shopping included! Girls feel like they MUST have the right clothes/accessories to fit in or be beautiful. Even simply walking into a mall sucks you into this belief. I hate malls! I wonder why your gf gets mad if you bring it up. If you are serious about being with her, you must talk finances with her. You don’t want to get married and then fight about it down the road. Her bills will become YOUR bills when you marry! Money issues tear families apart like no other.
I do not want this to be a big issue, but somewhere I feel like it might i agree, if we do not have plans going forward. I feel like she could have been more responsible with her (stdent) loans, and not partied her way all those years in college, and planned better and taken responsibility. But thats the past. What bothers me more i think is her shopping, I think she could cut down on shopping and channel her income towards getting her loans kicked out asap. She has the attitude of a girls gotta have fun too. She is working hard, but I think she can work harder? I want to help her with her loans, but I need to know she is trying hard too. Its not fun when we talk about it though.
I dunno, I feel like if you are that judgmental on how your partner lives their life you should seriously consider if you should be together. People can change, a little but if you are wishing her to be a completely different person, might be time to go out and find what you really want.
Yeah, I shouldn’t be judgemental. Pls dont mistake me, I love her like crazy. I do. But I also like to be practical, sometimes. Im sure, we will find a way out.
I agree with Jubeee, S. When you speak about your girlfriend, it does tend to sound like you have a lot of anger towards her lifestyle choices. This is nothing to feel bad about. Just make sure you do think long and hard about it, and what aspects of her you’re willing to put up with or not. It makes it so much easier when you’re in a relationship with someone with similar lifestyle choices.
I think, also, in a marriage as long as one person is good with money, the other person can be worked with. I am not great with money myself, so I am completely open to allow my future husband to take care of the bills. On the other hand, my cousin has stellar credit and pays everything in full, on time, her husband is not good with money, he hands over her check, she puts his spending money in a separate account and takes care of their financial responsibility.
Marriage is best when its viewed as a team, so you can each play to your strengths and allow the other the help you with your weaknesses.
Jubeee I agree with your last statement. I believe I am the compulsive shopping/irresponsible girlfriend in question here
But this blog and the surprising comments (by S) were good for me to read and helped open up discussion. Thanks ladies.
Did I mention to ya all ladies and gentlemen out there, that I am in love with KC like whoa?
I am a stupid stupid man for I don’t express that enough to her.
KC and S – best to you both and glad this blog may have stirred some necessary conversation and changes between the both of you. You wouldn’t want something as silly as too much shopping to put an end to a relationship!
On another note – my friend who this post is about has been dating a guy for about 6 months now. He was getting more upset by the minute while he was packing. I don’t think he had any idea she had so much stuff either, and it seemed to really bother him. I was getting a bit worried she was going to have some explaining to do! As far as I know, he’s calmed down and things are fine. Although, I’m sure he’s keeping this at the top of the discussion list if their relationship becomes more serious!
PS: My girlfriend thinks the government overspends and is mad @ the government for overspending. She believes in individual financial responisibility and all that jazz. Yeah. We def need help.
S I’m sorry to hear about your girlfriend and her hoarding. MDG you are right I do blame the media and the mall that I love so much. Going through therpy for my depression has help me realize about my spending habits. I have cut back my spending I’m planing to have yard sale to sell some of my stuff and post some on ebay as well. When I see ad’s on tv sometimes I get to thinking I need that too then I’m like why? As for the mall sometimes I get sucked into buying stuff I don’t need but I’m getting better at that I think well if I get that then I won’t be able to get something that I need. My weakness is Barnes and noble and Borders I love to read! Also crochet as well.
Hording is mental illness but some of us just buy to cover up sadness or feel that we have the have the latest it thing!
nicki, I love to read too! I go to B&N or Borders and read while drinking a coffee and then I put the book(s) back on the shelf to return and finish another day. I know, so cheap! But it saves me a ton of money and what do you do with a book once you’ve finished reading it? It just sits around collecting dust.
We did watch the show Hoarders while my Indian Mother-in-Law was visiting us from india. She was shocked by it, but her reaction was that she wanted to go home (to India) and clear out all of her cupboards! I feel that she has a good balance of “stuff” not too much, not too little. However, like you said in your post, many Indians live very simply, so compared to that, and inspired by the show, she felt the need to give away lots of stuff to the poor in India. Its all about perspectives I guess!
lol IndianTies!!