Recently in the forums we got to discussing whether or not I would date another Indian if the opportunity ever arose. What started the conversation was me saying this:

As for me, I believe my experience with Indian relationships have come and gone. I'm not sure if I could go through it again. But India and all things Indian will always have a special place in my heart.

The responses got me to thinking and I thought the topic would make for a good blog post and further discussion.

I believe there are mostly two ways relationships with Indians begin:

There are those who first fall in love with India and due to this stumble on an Indian love, and then there are those who stumble upon an Indian and thus fall in love with India.

I fit in the latter. I never expected to meet and fall in love with MIM and I really never expected to have anything to do with India. (Isn't it great when life throws curve balls?) So now that it's finished, I find it hard to imagine starting all over again from square one with another Indian. I put so much blood, sweat, and tears into MIM and I's relationship that when it finally ended, all I felt was relief - to be honest.

I would like to clarify that our relationship wasn't bad. MIM was a great guy all the way and treated me wonderfully. But over time I couldn't see us evolving into husband and wife and our differences and small arguments here and there started to take a toll on us. In the end it simply became easier to walk away then to stay and fight what seemed like a losing battle. I'm sure a lot of you have been there: when enough is enough and walking away seems like the quickest way to renewed happiness for both involved.

When we first split I did think - man, I should just stick to Indians now that I've put so much work into learning  about their language, culture, food, and country - not to mention this website! But then I left for my six month contract on a ship and suddenly found myself with an American man who I started to share my time with.

Very quickly I realized how much I missed the ease of being with someone who "gets you" and whom you by default already share so much in common with. I realized how much I missed and yearned for similarities between two people.

I still reminisce and get wistful whenever I see Indians, especially cute Indian children, and just today while at the store I saw an Indian man/American woman couple with their three children. Perhaps in time these feelings will go away but, I spent so many years imagining myself with and Indian man and what our family would be like that I know this will take time to forget.

The short answer to the question will I ever date another Indian is: most likely not. As I said in the beginning of this post, I stumbled upon an Indian love and that led to my love of all things Indian. I wasn't looking for it and I'm still not. So chances are, no, it won't happen again. Of course in life I've learned to never say never!

Now I would love to hear from all of you! What made you date outside your culture/race and if it ended, have you or will you do it again?

Indian/Western relationship blogs are springing up all over the place these days and it's allowed me to take a peek into how other people have handled the stepping stones of their intercultural relationships.

I am more and more shocked when I read how early in the relationship some couples are jumping into marriage and children. As you know, MIM and I have been dating for 3 years. Others are engaged, married, or pregnant only months in.

Perhaps it is my past experiences with having months of infatuation only turn into a separation a year or two later, with me looking back and thinking thank God I didn't marry that man, that has me so taken aback at such speedy life-altering decisions.

But I'm not here to judge. In fact, I've just now started questioning if MIM and I made a mistake by not jumping into a marriage quicker. What's interesting to point out cultural wise is MIM's family and friends were always pushing a marriage from the very beginning where as my family and friends were hesitant and cautioning. A reader, "Bee", had said this in a recent comment:

I feel both you and your boyfriend are handling your relationship with a great sense of maturity and responsibility. It very encouraging and it is the way it should be, instead of rushing into commitment and realising later down the road that perhaps you have not made the right, informed choice and by that time your decision has affected and possibly hurt other people close to you i.e. your families, who love you dearly and want the best for you.

You can read the full conversation in the comments section of this post, MDG and MIM Update.

I usually would completely agree with Bee's statement. But now I've started questioning if MIM and I had married much earlier, what would have been different? He wouldn't have had to go back to school for a second master's just to stay in the U.S., that's for sure. Without having to go to school full time on top of teaching classes, perhaps he would have had more time to find a job, and by now we would be doing better in the financial area of our lives. With us being married and him on his way to a green card and citizenship, he wouldn't have had to only take the jobs that would agree to process an H1-visa. We would have also been able to move anywhere in the country, perhaps a place with a stronger job economy instead of this beat up old steel town we currently live in. And perhaps, we wouldn't be going through what we are now, because it's not just religion that's causing this break in our relationship, but that our struggles have gone on for way too long and I simply needed a break from it all.

Here is a secret not many people, including my parents, know about (until now!). MIM and I had gotten an engagement ring about seven months into our relationship. It was a cute, little $500 solitaire that we picked out together, and then I freaked out that it was too soon and we quickly returned it. Since then, we had planned to get a civil marriage at least twice, both times my parents were informed, and both times we both ultimately backed out.

Why? Well, we both have this image of how marriage is supposed to be, how a life together is supposed to be, and a quick civil marriage in a courtroom doesn't quite cut it. We also didn't want to jump into a marriage before we felt secure in our finances. And of course, we speculated too much on what others would think: "Did he marry her for a green card?"

Now I'm starting to wonder, are our fantasies of how things should be, or are "supposed" to be, holding us back? Would jumping into a marriage seven months in been better for us?

This whole "taking time apart" and "stepping back to reevaluate" process is bringing up a lot of questions and concerns. Not only about our relationship, but I'm also taking a long, hard, look at myself. My life feels very out of place. Very off course. Have I done it to myself? Would I have been married and on my way to being a mother if I didn't hesitate so much and wait for the fairy tale to come together just so?

Life's questions; they're never ending. But now I have questions for all of you:.

• How long did you wait to get married or start a family and why?

• What were the reactions of those around you?

• What made you decide to rush or wait? What do you wish you had done differently?

• What do you think is better - a short courtship or a long one?

• Would you or did you marry before everything else was in its place? Did it work out or not?

Those of you who are not married please feel free to give your opinions on these questions. Or perhaps you know of a couple who did this or that, and can tell us how it worked out for them.

I'm looking forward to hearing from all of you.

Before ending this post, I want to remind you to get you and your loved ones photos in for the childhood memories post coming next Sunday!

MIM and I planned yesterday to be our day to meet up, to talk face to face, and have proper closer if need be. My friends and family didn't understand the whole "meeting in person for closure" idea, as they believe if something is over, it's over, and what good is meeting in person going to do?

I could understand their points of view but that didn't stop me from wanting to see MIM again. And in fact, after texting MIM, "Can we meet to talk?" and receiving a big, fat, capital letters "NO", I wasn't sure it was ever going to happen. But I don't give up that easily, and soon we made plans to meet at 4pm at his place, where we talked while taking a stroll through the nearby park where we've walked hand in hand many times before.

At the start, MIM was very stiff and wouldn't even look at me. It brought back memories of when we first met and he was too shy to hardly make eye contact with me. I did most of the talking at first, with uncomfortable silence coming from his end. I brought up the topics of whether we thought this could work or not, whether we wanted it to work or not, and asked if our differences were too great.

MIM finally responded that he believes our differences are too great and that he realizes he would be better off with an Indian girl after all, someone from his same background and culture. He said he is happy we dated though, as it helped him realize this. "And you can go back to dating white guys who understand your culture," he said.

Ok, fair enough, I thought, although I didn't quite believe he believed everything he was saying.

Still walking, I then brought up my blog which seemed a little off topic; "Do you think the blog affected us in anyway?" I asked. He didn't understand what I meant. "Well," I continued, "everyone's comments and suggestions, do you think they've affected how we think and react to each other at all?"

I brought this up not only because I thought I started noticing MIM's views on me as a white American woman were tending to sound similar to certain hurtful blog comments, but also because of a film I recently watched titled We Live in Public, where a relationship was filmed and broadcast online 24/7 that ultimately led to when the couple argued, instead of working things out between each other ran to their prospective computers to see what the readers had to say about the fight. The couple then began reacting to each other after being influenced by the fan's viewpoints instead of what they personally may have felt in their own hearts. To say the least, the concept freaked me out a little and I started to question if this blog could have affected MIM and I negatively in any way as well.

MIM didn't think this to be true between us, but I still can't help but question if we'd be better off going back to complete anonymity. I'm considering saying goodbye to this blog and closing this chapter of my life. It's been an amazing experience, I've met some wonderful people through it, and I've greatly enjoyed the process of writing, taking photos, posting, and reading what you all have to say. But I don't want it to have any negative affects on MIM and I, and I'd like to go back to a day where we didn't always reference the blog in conversation and what "he or she said". I'm still sorting it out within me.

So, did we get our closure? Well, sort of, and in a funny, ironic way too. As the walk and talk continued on, we grew more comfortable with each other and ended up not wanting to part, so we didn't. Instead, we went to the movie theatre and watched The Social Network, a movie about the founders of facebook. As we were heading home from the theatre, MIM says sarcastically, "our relationship began and ended with facebook."

I laughed. He's right. I guess it did.

MIM and I still love each other a lot. We know this by after 3 years together still having to tear ourselves away from each other. But we're also trying to be smart about our relationship and look ahead into the future and all the possible hardships we may have to come across. Is it a good idea to continue?

What we've decided for now is to go our separate ways, but as two people who really care about the other, and to simply see what fate has in store for us. I am leaving for the cruise ship November 15th. He has a year of grad school left. We'll both be keeping busy. At the end of the year perhaps he'll find a job, and I'll have a good amount of money saved up from the ship, and we could begin a life together, actually moving forward instead of being as stagnant as we have been. Until then, MDG and MIM are taking different paths.

Even though we hadn't spoken in a month, and then it took a while to warm up to each other when we did finally meet, and although we ultimately decided to part, it was so sweet when he whispered in my ear at the end of the night: "don't go."

I didn't.