I'd have to say one of the biggest differences MIM and I had during and after our relationship was the polar opposite cultural beliefs on dating and relationships. In the states, we begin dating from a young age. Many children begin referring to a boy or girl they like as their boyfriend/girlfriend in kindergarten! (That's about age six if you don't know).
By middle school and high school there's school dances, football games, and many other activities for young couples which seem to endorse dating. Still, even though the options to meet someone and date were always there, my first boyfriend wasn't until I was 18, the age of a legal adult and out of high school.
My first relationship lasted about a year and a half. Since then, I've never felt badly about having boyfriends, or going on dates, or ending something after a few weeks or months after deciding it wasn't right for me. It's simply called dating and it's what we do here in the western world. It allows us to learn more about who we are and what we want in a partner. It's completely normal.
Does it always lead to better decision making? No.
Could there be emotional issues such as broken hearts and scarring along the way? Sure.
Do I think it'd be nice to skip all the hardships and simply be provided a partner and to make it work no matter what? Read: Arranged Marriage. Perhaps only when I'm really fed up.
But it's a freedom I am personally very thankful for. With each new person in my life I've learned not only more about myself, but more about the world around me. I've lived experiences I would have never had, I've traveled to places I would have never seen, I've met people I would have never met and I've learned a great deal what I want and do not want in a partner. I've also learned how to be a better person/partner myself.
So it royally PISSES me off when MIM throws these experiences in my face to make me feel badly about myself just because he was brought up an entirely different way: schools segregated, absolutely no dating before marriage, arranged marriages, and so on.
MIM and I have kept in touch lightly since our breakup. We send messages that usually go along the lines of, "how are you doing", or, "what's new in your life?". We even had a short hang out moment when I returned home from the ship. But ending our relationship made MIM very angry and upset and at times when he's really feeling frustrated he takes his anger out on me. This is when he decides calling me a "whore" will do the trick. Because in his mind, me leaving him and now dating other people places me in this category. "A selfish whore," to be exact.
Yeah, we're getting real in this email, big time.
MIM wasn't always like this. He was very sweet and genuine. But throughout our relationship he did at times make me feel badly about having other men in my life previous to him. And now, he continues to try to make me feel bad even though he and I are over.
In many cases, I have been able to remain friends with past boyfriends because we have a mutual upbringing and understanding when it comes to dating and relationships. But I am beginning to see I am not able to remain being friends with MIM due to our extremely different views on the subject.
We had a good three years together, the longest relationship I've been in so far. And this is surely the part I hate; when things change so much you feel like you don't even know that person anymore.
I don't know MIM anymore.
A warning to girls who may be in relationships with men who feel the same way MIM does about your previous partners: Do NOT let these men belittle your experiences or make you feel badly about yourself. I would suggest you get out of any relationship that ever makes you feel this way. If they are making you feel this way, stand up for yourself the same way I recently have and say, "Don't you EVER think you can speak to me that way again, EVER!"
Being in an intercultural relationship is hard. But you shouldn't have to change anything about yourself to make it work. Find someone who accepts you for exactly who you are.
That's the lesson I take away from this entire experience.
UGH, that makes me so mad! How dare he call you that. Does he understand how that makes him a hypocrite? If he doesn’t believe people should date/have sex for marriage for obvious religious and cultural reasons he shouldn’t do it. But he has so it makes him guilty of the very things he is accusing you of.
I really dislike the desi piety myth. My A and I have sex, we have both had sexual partners before, for him that includes other pakistanis. His pakistani friends have sex/relationships with other pakistanis. It isn’t that one culture is pious and the other are whores, its human nature!!!!
thank you, Julia. AH-GREED!
I’m so sorry it’s ended like this between you and MIM, MDG – a sad end to something that was really great for a long time. As someone has already said, calling someone a ‘whore’ is verbal abuse and shouldn’t be tolerated, whatever background the person who said it comes from. What infuriates me most are the hypocrisy and double standards on display here – MIM calling you a whore for doing things he’s done himself, and Captain Misogyny (aka Nik, Prithviraj etc) and his ilk endlessly sneering and carping at white women for supposedly being immoral while freely admitting that he has plenty of casual sex himself – but of course it’s different for him! He’s a MAN! (Well, kind of, maybe.) A man with a bizarre compulsion to insult white women, judging by his endless posts on the topic here and on Sharell’s site and forum.
Joanne,
I have no idea who the two other people you are talking about are. I have never posted on “Sharrells” website. I am sorry you view my comments as misogynistic. I was not trying to offend women in general, just telling the truth about caucasian women.
Regards, Cap
you are right……..
But there are still 60-70% of indian men who still follow traditions..
Some of us like me have never gone to eat with any girl in life
Some of us believe in dating only wife and marrying the only girl whom i or my parents choose.
Believe that you can never be happy in this life……..Physical and materialistic world is virtual ,only conscience and soul is eternal!!
If all humans learn to be good human,they will never have to break,split or cheat each other!!
As you have not published any of my previous comments, I doubt you will publish this. Its really funny, I don’t understand why you have a discussion section if you want to hear only one side of the argument – the side that agrees with you.
The problem with your thinking is that you think the rest of the world agrees with the way white women live their life. The view much of the world has of white women is that they cannot properly raise their children, have multiple relationships with several different men, and divorce several times. Unfortunately the statistics back this up which probably makes you and others even more angry.
That being said I think you made the right decision. I have never continued speaking to white women I have slept with. Its just awkward and quite honestly I have no interest or common ground with them.
Regards, Captain
What are you talking about “CaptainObvious”? You have 37 comments most of which are approved. The ones I delete or are not published (which this rule applies to everyone) are either rude or obnoxious or don’t lend anything insightful to the conversation. You have gone by a few names, (Raj, Nik, Nikh) why do you keep changing it?
Anyways, the “statistics” argument will make me way too winded to really get into. If you look at major cities in India, take Mumbai, the divorce rates are high. Face it, the world is becoming westernized all over and soon you won’t be able to make a valuable argument why your culture is better than ours based on divorce statistics alone.
” Anyways, the “statistics” argument will make me way too winded to really get into. If you look at major cities in India, take Mumbai, the divorce rates are high. Face it, the world is becoming westernized all over and soon you won’t be able to make a valuable argument why your culture is better than ours based on divorce statistics alone. ”
Brilliant *gives a standing ovation*. Yes, bring Mumbai, Delhi, and timbaktoo into the argument, never mind that divorce rate there is still a fraction of what it is in most big western cities around the world. If someone says that divorce rate is lower in India than in western countries, it is not them making an argument, it is a fact, if you want to see it as someone projecting their culture as better than others, than that is merely your perception. If someone says that there are more rich people in America than in India, that is a fact, and no amount of arguments like “You’re having a recession, and soon you won’t be able to make the arguement that your country is richer than ours based on financial statistics alone” will change the fact…So instead of giving such low-blows, you should focus on the the facts of the matter.
Alexis, I’m so tired of hearing about how high divorce rates are as an excuse why one culture is better than the next.
I can understand your frustration but you are not eight to react in a low way and give comments like :
” Anyways, the “statistics” argument will make me way too winded to really get into. If you look at major cities in India, take Mumbai, the divorce rates are high. Face it, the world is becoming westernized all over and soon you won’t be able to make a valuable argument why your culture is better than ours based on divorce statistics alone. ”
If one culture has marriages that seem to work better than other cultures, than they do have a right to boast about it, if they so please, just as Americans boast about ‘being the best nation on earth’ all the time.
My dear, I have to post under different names because you have blocked many of my posts. I haven’t posted on this blog for around 8 months though.
As for your assertion that the world is becoming more “western”, where is the backup for this? Why would the world emulate a floundering civilization? America and western Europe are in an extended period of decline that many say is irreversible. Many aspects of modern American culture even offend Americans. Especially those who adhere to some sort of faith or morality i.e. those in the heartland of America, where you are from.
I am quite shocked at the misogyny on display in these comments. MDG, why are you even publishing the comments of these seriously messed up people?
“Captain Obvious” and Alexis are real gentlemen and must make their mothers proud.
Captain Obvious will feel right at home with right-wing Christian fundamentalists, who like him hate women who are sexually active outside marriage.
Bravo Captain Obvious, what about your own sexual values? You choose to sleep with people who you share nothing in common with and have no respect for.
If anyone is lacking in values or ethics, it is you. Anyhow, you are to be pitied for carrying so much hatred and bigotry inside you.
Just to set the record straight, a lot of extra-marital and pre-marital intercourse happens in India, just because Indian society chooses to ignore it does not mean that it does not happen.
If a highly educated,smart , intelligent, straight forward and most importantly pious muslim man like MIM called you a “”A selfish whore,” then i will have to agree with him.
) to get rid of your selfish and whorish thoughts.
You have some soul searching to do.
I suggest you convert to one of the many great indian religions like Hinduism , sikhism, Jainism, Buddhism (not islam
As far as indians becoming more westernized is concerned that will never happen, the barbarian Muslim invaders tried to change our culture for more than 1000 years , the british tried it for 200 years and they all failed , In the future as India becomes more developed and more foreigners will start visiting and understanding real indian culture , you will get rid of your backward culture and become indian.
Peace
MIM’s Friend, who was previously MIM’s Mom, I believe it is YOU that has some soul searching to do, as you are nothing but a huge jerk. Peace.
Wow !
There is some serious misogyny in these comments. The fact is that somebody with MIM’s cultural makeup will ultimately find it very hard to maintain a relationship with a woman on a platonic basis, given the history. Based on his comments in the past about child rearing etc, his religious views are going to color his views on women. He was willing to overlook your past as long as he was in the relationship.
But now being outside it, he’s talking to you as he would talk about any Western woman. Yes, this is not a politically correct thing to say, but it is my observation about most people subscribing to MIM’s faith in particular.
“But now being outside it, he’s talking to you as he would talk about any Western woman. Yes, this is not a politically correct thing to say, but it is my observation about most people subscribing to MIM’s faith in particular ”
Wow, feeling extra bigoted today, are we ?
Right, because calling out negative things about a faith is bigoted. We should all accept everything as it was written a 1000 years ago.
No, basing the actions of one/a few person/people to reflect upon an entire community as a whole is bigoted.
We are free to question what’s written today or a million years ago, but not based on the actions of some misguided person, but if some part of the religious practices, affect our own life unfairly. We must learn tp separate the person from the religion/culture/background, people are who they are, because a variety of different influences, not all of which are based on their culture, relgion, language, ethinicity or background.
We are free to question what’s written today or a million years ago, but not based on the actions of some misguided person, but if some part of the religious practices, affect our own life unfairly. We must learn tp separate the person from the religion/culture/background, people are who they are, because a variety of different influences, not all of which are based on their culture, relgion, language, ethinicity or background.
Such a separation is a nice filter that works in theory. The fact is people like MIM use their faith to defend their views and justify their actions and misogyny. If they themselves quote their faith as the reason for what they spout, am I going to get into a philosophical debate about the the interpretation of an obscure passage from what they read ? No, I am not going there. If that’s what they believe so be it. It is not science that has formal rules that hold true (for the most part) anywhere .
Would you extend the same view if MIM was say a Scientologist ?
I would extend the same logic to any religion, even if MIM belonged to an obscure religion from planet fulcon.
If people use their religion to defend their own biases than it is the ‘person’s ‘ fault not the ‘religion’s’ and this distinction must be made. Always. For one MIM there are always a million other people who think otherwise, but what sticks in people’s minds is one comment by an MIM, and they then use it to spew their bigoted views about the entire community in general, and that is truly bigoted.
Heya MDG – I totally agree with you and feel what you did is right. And I’m an Indian girl.
Desi guys (not all – but most, especially those who have come from the motherland to Western countries) have this double standard mentality when it comes to dating, relationships and sex.
MIM is lashing out at you because he is probably feeling insecure in himself after your relationhip ended – YOU have moved on (as you both rightly needed to) and he is trying to hurt you in the only way Desi guys know how – by demeaning your character.
It’s not even a West vs. Indian thing – in this day and age, India and Pakistan has changed a lot more than people like him and others are willing to admit. Everything that happens in the West, happens there too. And most likely have been happening for a time long before the ‘Western influence’ came about.
Unfortunately, people’s attitudes and misogyny hasn’t and will always have these double standards about women.
PS – A great song by this new Aussie artist called Gotye – “Somebody I used to know”. Kinda apt for your situation.
Wonder if people like you ever reply, to call out a westerner on their double standards and generalizations of other’s and flat out stereotyping people into a pre-concieved slot ?
Alexis, I’m not sure if you are even Indian or have any knowledge or insight into the Indian culture. You’re talking about making sweeping generalisations – you’ve made a huge one there by pretty much saying that ‘lower divorce rates means that they must be doing something right’.
I am Indian AND Australian – I KNOW both sides of the cultural coin. So you cannot tell me that I am stereotyping because I am basing it on mine and countless other people like mine very real experiences.
Marriage and relationships is hugely complex and more often than not intertwined with religion and societal pressures. So if you wanted to say that the end goal was being married and staying married, then maybe you have a point. Arranged marriage works.
BUT, if you deign to look a little closer you will realise the reasons why these marriages are ‘working’. I’ve mentioned a few – don’t underestimate the power that emotional blackmail, societal pressure and religious sentiments play in the relationship game.
So MDG’s reaction to MIM’s comments might seem outrageous to you, but I can safely say that it IS a sentiment that a lot of people in Desi countries subscribe to. They blame the ‘evil West’ for anything that they feel goes against their ‘culture’ – dating and freedom of choice in partners is apparently a Western concept and one that is spoiling the nation. Not even my words – read any number of comments on newspaper articles of stories of atrocities against women and you will see them filled with different colours of ‘she deserved it’ to ‘the evil West’ again. I can give you countless examples of different things that happen which will have the MIM’s comment or a variation of that in common.
I strongly urge you to stop by this blog and get a REAL perspective on women in India (http://indianhomemaker.wordpress.com/).
You’re defending this point on a principle which is fair enough but you have to realise that you can make generalisations about anyone and anything and they will be both true and untrue. India/Pakistan are places of great contradicton, but the fact still remains that what MIM said and WHY he said it stems from a very common attitude which many people have experienced. Hope that clears things up.
Firstly, I am not making any generalizations about anyone, what I said was since their numbers of success were higher, then that is a fact, not someone’s imagination. Why those numbers are so, doesn’t concern us, and being an arm chair expert, sitting thousands of miles away, from the actual issue, it’s very easy to pass judgements, what’s that gonna achieve ??
This is what I’m not able to appreciate in these discussions by these white girls, that to vent personal frustrations in their individual situations, they are willing to generalize and denegrade an entire culture and race of people, merely because they do things in a different way.
Yes, they have problems, but so does the west? So what gives the west the right to point fingers at some other culture and say ‘oh, you’re so backward’, I see so many problems in your culture, and yet you mindlessly follow such outdated practices.
The west has a superiority complex (white priviledge) when it comes to dealing with other cultures, they clearly and distinctly think that their ways are better in most cases, completely turning a blind eye to the mountains of problems the western culture is facing all over the world, and making excuses for any of their flaws.
So that is why I asked you the question, whether people like you , ever call out these white women on their prejudices, as you are more than eager to do for Indians ?
Don’t be disingenous in saying that Indians are the only ones who have prejudices in the world. Infact you will find more Indians who will willingly accept the flaws in there culture, than white people who are willing to accept the flaws in their’s.
It’s funny how Alexis blames Western folks for stereotyping Indian culture even as he does the exact same thing to Western culture.
He accuses “these white girls” of denigrating an entire culture while assuming that “these white girls” are all alike and hold similar views.
I’m sure he did not realise how big a generalisation the phrase “these white girls” is.
It’s like saying “these Indian women”, as if all Indian women are cookie cutter versions of each other.
He’s so willing to examine MDG’s prejudices under a microscope while being completely blind to his own.
Every non-Indian experiences India and Indian culture differently. For that matter, every Indian experiences India and Indian culture differently.
We are all individuals and we all have a unique relationship to our own and others’ cultures.
However, calling a woman a whore because she has had multiple sexual partners has less to do with culture and more to do with how certain men feel about women’s sexual rights.
I would not blame MIM’s culture for this, I would blame him and his inability to respect another human being.
It’s more a gender issue thab a cultural issue.
Women across the world have to suffer the humiliation of such pejorative words being used to describe them.
In most cases, a woman is called a “whore” not because she has been actually paid for sex, but because she has displayed sexual agency just like a man would.
It’s the same old sexual double standard.
///It’s not even a West vs. Indian thing – in this day and age, India and Pakistan has changed a lot more than people like him and others are willing to admit. Everything that happens in the West, happens there too. And most likely have been happening for a time long before the ‘Western influence’ came about. ///
I hope that you can get over your self esteem issues one day and won’t have to resort to lying like this just to get accepted by these western women.
Calling someone a “whore” is verbal abuse, no matter how you cut it, no matter what culture you’re from. Shame on MIM for demeaning his own character–that’s something he’ll have to live with, not you.
I think there are alot of eastern men who just cannot begin to fathom the independence that western woman have, and this includes our sexual independence. We’re in control of our own bank accounts and our own bodies. Those who are oppressed often oppress others, and the extent of our freedom must feel very threatening to some men’s egos and sense of proper social order.
Western men and woman date each other and sleep together with mutual freedom and mutual respect.
“I think there are alot of eastern men who just cannot begin to fathom the independence that western woman have, and this includes our sexual independence. We’re in control of our own bank accounts and our own bodies. Those who are oppressed often oppress others, and the extent of our freedom must feel very threatening to some men’s egos and sense of proper social order.”
I see, you seem to be a big fan of sweeping generalizations, and stereotyping people, what’s the harm if other’s do the same then ?
Calling someone a whore is verbal abuse but being used as sex objects by men is a freedom that you are very thankful for, right?
Well, you can think what you like, but the fact remains that when pointing a finger at someone else, we must remember that three fingers point back to ourselves.
Calling someone a whore is loathable, but what is equally sad is that a person’s actions aren’t seen as separate from his entire background. It’s not like white guys don’t call women sluts/whores, even though they are pretty adjusted to the dating culture. Infact I’m willing to be my last dollar, that white guys call those names to women a whole lot more than any Indian guy ever would.
Yet, if a white guy does it, nobody runs off and says, yeah it’s his culture, that brainwashes him, they just call him a jerk and be done, but if it’s a south asian guy, his culture and heritage inevitably gets dragged into it, this is what is the generalization I’m referring to.
@Alexis , I don’t know who you were replying to but my post wasn’t directed at you.
Okay, my bad, nevermind then.
“Western men and woman date each other and sleep together with mutual freedom and mutual respect. ”
So are you saying that there are no men and women in western culture who sleep together and then disrespect each other, by calling them sluts/whores or such other names ?
Agreed Julia! The double standards that some people and cultures have is ridiculous. MDG, you’re obviously better off without him. It’s just a low blow on his part so try not to let it bother you.
Which are these ‘some’ cultures that have double standards ? And kindly also enlighten me on which are those cultures which don’t have any double standards, if you could.
I was not clear. I didn’t mean for it to say some cultures, I only meant “some” to refer to people.
Kayla,
Implying it was a “low blow” usually means there is some truth to it. Thats what gets me with cauc. women. They get so angry when people point out their sexual habits, lack or responsibility and respect to them.
I don’t know about you, but when someone says something untrue about me I will correct them, but I don’t get angry. Western women must see some truth to what other cultures say about them, maybe thats why they get angry.
Regards, Your friendly Captain
Hi,
I’ve been a lontime reader of your blog. Today I felt like responding, I dunno why. I don’t think you’ll like what I have to say, but I’m gonna say it nevertheless.
It is true that people tend to criticize anything foriegn to them, and so MIM criticizes your prior relationships, but this tendency is not exclusive to south asians, almost all westerners do the same, infact you, yourself in this blog seem to blame India and Indian culture for all problems, most of the problems which don’t even concern you or your life, like you dissing arranged marriage in this very post. That is just the other side of the coin of what you are accusing MIM doing, or any south asian doing for that matter. Does the practice of arranged marriage affect your life personally ? Is anyone forcing you into an arranged marriage ? Why then this need to bring down the practice and trying to prove what it’s flaws are, if a billion people in this world feel it works for them , and wanna do it, what is it to you ? How does what you say and do count as better than what others are doing to you?
People tend to be biased towards the way they know to do things, and it is natural to do so, but in being more favorable to one side, we mustn’t be disrespectful to other’s views, you have been disrespectful to India and Indian culture throughout your blog, just to do your own personal venting. There are plusses and minuses in practices on both sides, but what some people do is make excuses for the minuses on their side while highlighting the minuses on the other side while making excuses for their pluses, this is spining the truth and very unfair…
Though what MIM said to you was utterly inappropriate, and uncalled for, the fact remains that one person calling you a name, doesn’t give you the right to go and comment on his entire heritage. Most westerners always talk about other cultures as though their own culture is superior to the other cultures, and this is both inaccurate and misleading.
I dunno if you’ll publish this, but even if you don’t I’m sure you’ll atleast read it.
Alexis, I don’t know where you got the idea that I was bashing arranged marriages in this post, I don’t believe that’s the subject of this “vent” at all.
Hmmm…let’s see where did I get the idea, maybe it was this line :
“Do I think it’d be nice to skip all the hardships and simply be provided a partner and to make it work no matter what? Read: Arranged Marriage. Perhaps only when I’m really fed up.” ( Meaning that one is just ‘provided’ a partner in an arranged marriage, and they make it work no matter what )
Followed by :
” it’s a freedom I am personally very thankful for” (implying that those who choose arranged marriage don’t have a freedom to choose their partners)
It is very obvious that you have very little knowledge of the arranged marriage system, and how it works, and why there’s lower divorce rate in India.
Alexis, it’s obvious you came here today just looking for a fight. I appreciate you being a reader of this blog and while I am open to productive discussion, I don’t believe that is where this is heading.
Hey, I don’t wanna cause trouble, I was just showing things from a different perspective, to show you how they could be interpreted in different ways…If you don’t wish to engage in further discussion, that’s entirely your choice…
I think Alexis is bringing up some very valid points in his entire discussion…he seems to be a casual reader, but feels compelled to respond due to the broad nature of your generalizations about another culture…MIM’s angry reaction was specific to you, but your venting in this post (in many others) is towards Indian culture.
Regarding MIM being hypocritical, I totally agree with you. MIM should have held himself to higher standards that his culture teaches/ advises before he accuses you. He already knew you had several sexual partners before he chose the same thing with you. He should have known that it is your choice ultimately if you want to continue or discontinue your relationship with him. Of course, that’s a choice dating provides. But he seems to have gotten confused with how it works here versus how it works in India.
Regarding, Men Vs Women thing, cannot we women hold the world itself to higher standards and in turn teach our sons and daughters to be a better next generation, rather than replicating lowly behavior of men. I personally feel the day a woman comes short of character; there is a slow degradation for that family and ultimately for that society.
This post shows an utter lack of understanding or insight into the gist of what has been said by non-indian women (and some indian women actually!!). The point is why do Indian men get involved with us non-Indian women when they know they are just going to be married off in the arranged marriage? What is the view of non-Indian women in the minds of Indian men? Do we really need the answer? And here come the racist remarks….
I am an Aussie woman and I myself have just been ditched by my long term indian man because after returning from India after a 10 week stay, he says what if his grandmother is dying in a couple of years and tells him her dying wish is for him to get married. He says he will not be able to handle telling his parents he cannot submit to an arranged marriage and will have to go through with it. There is a lot more to this story which I will post. But suffice to say, WHAT THE???
Why get involved you Indian men, if you know you cannot stay with the one your are with who probably loves you wholeheartedly? Irresponsible and should be punishable with a gaol term!!!
Hm… Your vent is justified but not the way you did it !!!
Thats the sole problem with this entry.
But again its just a vent, you might not mean it.
I guess, a lot of people have trouble understanding indian culture and it leads them to certain conclusions. (e.g. you dont know anything about how arranged marriages work in india but you still give your judgement)
Being judgemental of a culture is not the way.
There is no good culture or bad culture.. they are just different.
East is east and west will always be west.
Both ends of the pole, they cant meet.
In an intercultural relationship the people at the ends of those poles meet at somewhere in the middle where they accept the other part with all their flaws, just like they would their own. After reading your posts I somehow felt it was not the case between u guys. You never respected/liked india and he might not have made his peace with western culture as well.
Anyways, now that you guys are both separated, I hope you and him can live peaceful and happy lives.
Gud luck
I am furious on your behalf. If he doesn’t like the structure of western dating, then he obviously should not have dated you in the first place. Not to mention how childish it was for him to take this out on you by calling you names. You’re right. He is just a hurt little boy and is lashing out in a way that he knows will cause a reaction. He probably doesn’t even mean it. Regardless of the reason, you do not deserve to be treated that way, no matter what anyone might say. And the fact that you recognize that and refuse to allow it shows your strength.
Hi MDG. I’m so sorry that someone you cared about has called you such a hurtful, totally uncalled for, name. Everyone’s past makes them who they are today, and anyone who can’t see and appreciate that is not worth spending time with. Maybe try and think of this experience as dodging a bullet? It’s better that you know how he can act so ugly toward someone he claimed to care about from outside the relationship, rather than from the inside. Hang in there and good luck.
@Alexis
I would extend the same logic to any religion, even if MIM belonged to an obscure religion from planet fulcon.
If people use their religion to defend their own biases than it is the ‘person’s ‘ fault not the ‘religion’s’ and this distinction must be made. Always. For one MIM there are always a million other people who think otherwise, but what sticks in people’s minds is one comment by an MIM, and they then use it to spew their bigoted views about the entire community in general, and that is truly bigoted.
That argument implies that the religion is in itself perfect and has no fundamental flaws. Any faults are only the puny minds that cannot interpret the religion. Kind of a contradiction since all religions were conceived by people (who as you point out have faults and biases). People have chosen to discard certain discriminatory religious rules over the years. The acceptance of gay unions is a clear example of that. People cherry pick what they want to believe in or not believe in. But the fact remains that the religion itself has a certain doctrine.
No, I am not assuming that religion itself is perfect, infact I happen to think that all religions are flawed, but that is not the point of discussion, even though I may disagree with someone’s religious views, I still feel they have the right to voice their opinion.
If you wish to debate tenats to religion, than that’s a separate discussion, but your comment was not about the ‘religion’, it was about people who belong to the religion, and painting them with a broadbrush in a way that suits your argument.
When you get upset over all white women being called loose, because the actions of a few, isn’t what you’re doing a flip side of that, by stereotyping all people of a particular community – be it religion/culture/language/race whatever, based on the actions of one or a few people whose actions/words offend you ?
I hope this post gives you some clarity as to what my objection was to, I have no interest in defending any religion, as I find all religions silly, but that’s just my personal opinion, I hope i don’t blatantly stereotype a whole community based on my personal perceptions. That’s all…If you were to discuss the actual tenets of any religion, I would not participate, as that is not what my point was about…maybe I wasn’t able to clarify earlier, hopefully I’ve done that now.
When you get upset over all white women being called loose, because the actions of a few, isn’t what you’re doing a flip side of that, by stereotyping all people of a particular community – be it religion/culture/language/race whatever, based on the actions of one or a few people whose actions/words offend you ?
The analogy is not quite the same. One’s personal life and actions are their own business. Somebody like MIM is using his views fueled by a certain faith to attack her. It is not as if the “loose” people are going around making misgynistic comments about others or forcing their views on them. Be it cartoons or “looseness” to rant against, it is always somebody subscribing to a certain faith who brings in the hate and sometimes violence. Not equivalent.
But where is the evidence that they’re using their religion/culture/ethnicity to justify their allegations ? What about when white/black western guys call women whores/sluts, why are they doing so ? You are saying what MIM did is based in his religion, but this is how it is in your view, in your perception. It may or may not be accurate, and assuming for the sake of this discussion that it is accurate, even then I will still say that using one person’s actions/views no matter how hurtful to paint an entire community is wrong and bigoted.
There are people who are bigoted and people who are noble in all relgions/communities/ethinicities , we can’t use the actions of one/few people to spin things in the favor of our argument, while ignoring all the others who even though coming from similar backgrounds may think otherwise.
If you would like to share your sentiment about “Religions are silly” while at the Vatican vs Mecca, what would you rate your chances of remaining physically intact or jailed in either place would be ? Your anti-bigotry idealism will truly meet the reality of what the hubs for two major faiths care about your opinions.
My dear, I am not about to go out and give sermons on why religions are silly, I usually keep those views to myself, because you started spinning my post as to make it sound like I was holding religions above any scrutiny, is when I responded with my views.
The thing is since I find religions silly, i would never go and seek out Vatican/mecca etc and start lecturing people there about how their views are silly. As long as they don’t compel me to follow their religion, I will let them be. I hardly think anyone will be coming thirsty for my blood, if I just live my life, minding my own business.
And there in lies the issue… you keep your views to yourself unless of course you want to pronounce judgement. Careful, someone might say you are denigrating towards religions… .
What judgement did I pronounce, I merely pointed out the double standard of getting upset over people calling other’s names based on the actions of a few, while doing the same to other’s .
smalltowner you just slyly denigrated Islam in your post. So what are you talking about?
Just to bring the discussion back on it’s feet, after all this attempted digression, I wanna say that all of these white girls who are with south asian men, seem to carry just as many bigoted views, and just as much of a stereotypical view of south asians and their culture, that they claim (and get upset over ) these south asians are towards them. Therein lies the double standard and hypocracy.
While expressing outrage over how MIM called her a whore, based on his perception of a few white women , the author has done the same exact thing she disliked about MIM, and that is generalize things about his culture based on her experiences of the action of a few.
White people are not above such generalizations, they do it just as much as they accuse of other’s doing so. It’s only that they think that stereotypes about them are totally wrong and exxaggerated, but the stereotypes about others are accurate .
Amen. This is the truth right here.
Lets see what this white girl says.
If I were to guess, I’d say that they would ignore it calling it an attempt to pick fights, like how the author replied to my post where I showed her which parts of her posts were insulting to arranged marriage .
I won’t hold my breath that anyone would actually discuss it. I hope I’m wrong though.
No loose people (western people) only start three wars where they have killed over 1,000,000 brown men. Well its not big deal though, they were all “terrorizers”
I will say it again, its not only people of MIM’s faith – Islam, who think these things about white women. Its Indians, middle easterners, latin americans, asians. Probably around 80% of the world.
Don’t quit your day job. Mr Gallup Poll you are not.
Hey, leave Latinamericans alone. I am from Mexico and whenever I read about this white women = western women argument it makes me laugh.
We are western (as in not eastern) but from poor countries and non-white.
We fit the bill in both stereotypes, the loose morals and the family oriented.
When I met my Indian husband he thought we still wore sombreros and everyone had a gun like in the Wild West. When I met him I thought snake charmers were in every corner and still rode elephants. Yes we were ignorant
@Alexis
What judgement did I pronounce, I merely pointed out the double standard of getting upset over people calling other’s names based on the actions of a few, while doing the same to other’s .
Um.. you did call religions “silly”. That is a judgement of something the majority on this planet believe in and vigorously defend to the death in some cases. No ?Anyway this has run its course.
Maam, it’s my personal opinion, I haven’t called any person stupid for practicing any religion, I didn’t ask anyone to agree with me or to anyone specific practicing something, how ridiculous their beliefs are, like I said I let them be, I will worry about them if they’re forcing their beliefs onto me, which noone has done thus far, but I don’t see the same attitude on blogs similar to this one, most of the women have no problem dragging an entire race of people/culture/ethnicity/religion what have you into a discussion about their love lives, they seem to be unable to separate the person from the culture, and then they talk about stereotyping , is that the hieght of hypocracy or what ??
Like in this post, the author was called a whore (even unfairly so) by one guy, yet she used that to take pot shots at practices in an entire culture, arranged marriages, low divorce rate, etc… Would she have said the same if it were a white guy calling her a whore ? I think not, then the white guy would just be a jerk, who doesn’t follow the mutual respect norm (?) of western society in dating….and that is both bigoted and hypocritical.
Alexis, this entire blog is about a relationship with an Indian man. If it was with a white man, I would most likely blog the same exact results.
I understand that it is about you and an Indian guy, but it also automatically becomes about all of India, it’s people culture, traditions and norms. This is the problem, under the guise of ‘understanding’ the culture, most blogs like yours just spend time taking potshots at random things of Indian culture, most of which don’t even affect these women’s lives. For example, does the arranged marriage system affect your life, i.e the existence of arranged marriage system in the world, affect your life ??
If it were about you and say a British guy, I doubt it would automatically also become about all of england. I haven’t seen that many blogs by white women with englishmen, where the women are ranting about ‘englishmen and their culture’, could you point me to any ?
You have missed the entire point of this post and choose to see what you want. This post didn’t diss anything. Compared, yes, which is exactly what I was going for when I mentioned the differences in my upbringing and beliefs on dating compared to MIM’s. That’s it. Enough already!
Miss MGD,
I can see you’re fed up with me and the questions I raise.
Okay, this shall be my last comment.
I just wanna reply to what you said, firstly we all see what we choose to see, even you have chosen to see what you want in Indian practices, like arranged marriages for example.
Secondly, calling it a harmless word like ‘comparing’ does not take away from the fact that you have made assumptions about Indian practices based on your perceptions, not in fact, this wasn’t clinical comparison based on facts, this was a comparison based on your own prejudices, so naturally it comes across as heavily skewed in the favor of one side over another.
You have no real knowledge of how the arranged marriage system is practiced today, and yet you chose your own version to ‘compare’ with the dating system.
Anyway, in conclusion, I’d only like to say that, please be honest in recognizing that you too have the same prejudices of MIM and his culture, that you accuse MIM of having of you and your’s. You aren’t free of those either, atleast with that awareness you’d approach this topic somewhat more fairly in future.
Good bye and all the best for future.
What’s wrong with you people? You are completely missing the point!! When an Indian man has the intention participating in the arranged marriage but intentionally gets into a relationship with someone else in the meantime, IT IS AFFECTING OTHERS!!! The end result – he leaves, breaks promises and hearts along the way and without a care in the world goes off to pursue his arranged marriage. No affecting others, huh?
Hey MDG,
Good post. I have no idea why you attract such haters on your blog but I’m glad to see you back writing again. I agree that it’s entirely unacceptable to be called such names or for them to be implied. Best of luck to you.
Really, where are the haters?
Hating would be calling her names. No one has done that here. Also don’t dish it out if you can’t take it!
Dishing it out?????
She is talking about HER relationship, an experience that happened to HER that is deeply personal. Why do you take this as an assault on you or anyone else?
Ahh, so just to be clear, if anyone even raises valid and legitimate questions and objections to the views raised here, then it’s considered hating, or being haters?
Then what can one say about MGD’s views about India , can’t Indian’s call her a hater, by the same definition ?
This popular refuge of calling anyone who objects to anything you say and doesn’t immediately slather you with loving, supporting words, a ‘hater’ is really getting old, when you choose to make your thoughts public, you must expect some atleast to present a different point of view, and if you can’t take the heat then get out of the kitchen.
No I don’t think disagreeing in general is “hating.” But of all the inter-cultural blogs I read (quite alot) MDG’s somehow gets the most negative and passionate response from people.
Maybe the word “haters” was not used appropriately but I’m not really trying to be PC here.
MDG’s blog in general seems to be attacked and people appear to automatically view it through negative and defensive lens. I admire the patriotism that indian commenters have….but sometimes I think they entirely miss the point of her blogs and just try to jump on her and accuse her of all kinds of thing she probably doesnt’ even mean (at least from my own lens of reading it).
That’s all I meant.
Thankyou for the honest response, hater is such a lame word for anyone with a dissenting opinion, all it shows is how someone who calls another a hater, is really full of themselves, and can’t see beyond their own point of view.
I do see your point of this blog inviting a lot more negative views than others, but there has got to be a reason for it, I’m sure, people aren’t foolish to spend their time and energy commenting on someone’s blog, if it doesn’t matter to them. I have read MDG’s views and she does seem to come from a place of an inherent bias in some cases, one that skews her views severely against India.
Having legitimate issues or even negative opinions isn’t a bad thing in itself, but what you do with those views and how to choose to make them public, is what makes all the difference.
If she has a right to defend the ways of her culture, then so do the others who choose to respond in defense of their’s. After all every practice, every custom, every cultural dynamic has a reason, an explanation, when people come from a position of favorable bias they accept those reasons unquestioningly, and when they come from an unfovarable bias they outrightly condemn them without analysing them completely.
I ask you, since you called as dissenters as haters, don’t you ever find even a slight bias in MDG’s posts ?
Also, do you think that stereotyping, looking down and maybe even mocking other’s cultures, and holding negative views of other’s cultures is only a south asian trait , and westerners are free from it ?
Ray,
To clarify when I used the term “haters” I wasn’t just referring to the commenters on this one post. I was kind of generalizing from the past year that I’ve read her blog and I’m sure you would agree that in that time period there have been some very nasty commenters who have indeed said some “hateful” things. I am not inclined to scroll through hundreds of comments to point these out, but from my perspective and memory there have been quite a few.
Trust me I love a good debate and I’m a huge fan of dissent if it’s in context and people are truly debating the same issues.
My defense of MDG though is putting myself in her shoes I know I would be quite dismayed if every blog I wrote attracted such negativity. I think it would probably dissuade me from writing after awhile because constantly defending myself would grow rather tiresome. Soooo my point basically was I kind of wish commenters would use a more positive tone and reasonable response because I think most of us enjoy seeing a post from MDG and I’d hate for her to stop writing.
As for bias of course I see bias in her blog and every single blog I read. That’s just normal, natural, and human. And I just don’t think she should be attacked for showing a natural bias. I also think some readers really do misinterpret her thoughts as attacks on India when she just appears to be voicing her thoughts on her relationship with one indian man. Her blog is myindianlove and not myindianlove.
As for your last comment about westerners well I’m sure you can guess my answer to that. Of course westerners are capable of mocking others…but that doesn’t make it right or okay.
Anyway I’m truly not looking to argue
I apologize for the misuse of the word “hater” but I just would love to see people not taking everything she writes quite so personally. I just want her to continue the blog and know she does have some support.
Thank you, KC. You hit it right on the head. I really appreciate your support.
I should proofread more….
her blog is myINDIANlove and not myINDIAlove
(suggesting I don’t believe she is not attacking the entire country when she is talking about her thoughts regarding her personal and singular relationship)
Really? There have been three or four posts here out of probably a hundred that have generated negative comments. These posts are usually when MDG channels her inner white-girl and starts posting borderline offensive/ignorant things.
Lets not overstate whats going on here.
I think the overall point is – don’t talk to this guy if hes being offensive, its a free country. Does the fact that this one guy is offensive have anything to do with all Indians or Indian culture – NO. Quite frankly I think its weird to communicate with someone you have broken up with, especially if you have had sexual relations, and I think most people would agree here!
Regards, Captain
Captain Obvious,
I am not looking to engage in arguing for arguing sakes but I am curious by your following statement
“Does the fact that this one guy is offensive have anything to do with all Indians or Indian culture – NO”
If you turn that around are you suggesting MIM’s views toward western dating/sexuality have absolutely nothing to do with indian culture? Really?
You don’t think his culture shaped his views at all? Unless he was raised in a sterile bubble I suspect they did.
Of course it would be unfair to generalize that ALL indians feel that way (and MDG hasn’t done that) but do you not think there is any cultural influences in India that result in negative stereotyping against western women?
Maybe your point is more in MIM’s namecalling behavior (which is unacceptable regardless of culture or country of orgin). But I would argue that his attitude and offensive behavior (the actual name calling) is at least an indirect result of culturual influences.
That’s not an insult to India but just an observation. For example… I am from the southern region of the United States and unfortunately the culture here has certainly shaped some people’s views towards race. I was in a situation today where a lady didn’t know I am dating a Nepali boy and she was on a personal tirade about how races should not mix and other races should “stick to their kind.” It was a very ignorant rant, but where this took place I am aware that the culture still influences this narrow minded thinking.
That doesn’t mean I am bashing southerners (I love the south) because thankfully many are willing to think outside that framework of the culture and have a mind of their own. So are Indians.
I guess I just feel like sometimes people are being too sensitive here and taking comments of observation as personal attacks.
Hey MDG,
I would like to say only one thing ‘ If you can’t respect a person, you can’t love any one. If he was truly in love with you, he would have the respect for you ever after the break up. But as some other readers have commented, its his insecurity that he could not digest it well. So, the only thing he was left with is to hurt you by such words. Persons like him never can love any one.
So keep the strategy that you don’t know him anymore.
Amit
Hey MDG,
I would like to say only one thing ‘ If you can’t respect a person, you can’t love any one. If he was truly in love with you, he would have the respect for you ever after the break up. But as some other readers have commented, its his insecurity that he could not digest it well. So, the only thing he was left with is to hurt you by such words. Persons like him never can love any one.
So keep the strategy that you don’t know him anymore. And yes, this is nothing to do with the cultural background.
Amit
LOL, This website has become a shopping portal? You Americans LOLZ
Bhagat Singh,
MDG got it from india! the best marketers in the world!
A journalist once asked Mahatma Gandhi what do you think of western civilization. Gandhi answered, ” It is a great idea”.
MIM seems like a very mean type of man though. He really humiliated her. Did she deserve this degradation? Who knows. No need to put her down.
Indian guys, watch the movie “Amrapali” from 1966 on youtube. You will never look at a non-indian woman again. Trust me on this. Our culture is glorious, our women are absolutely stunning. Ah our classical dances take one’s breath away. God took his time when he made India.
Fellow Indian men, watch this atleast 3 times, and then you will believe what I said:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEGjRr6tXZ0
Obviously this has devolved from a personal vent that MGD had against her ex into the discussion of superiority of one culture over another. Should he have called her that? Absolutely not, not because she is white and he is Indian but because on a basic human level it is rude and disrespectful, obviously, this issue is more personal to who he is rather than a sweeping generalization of all Indian men. Some have used MGD’s personal feelings about her ex and his attitudes as a jumping off platform to attack all white women. How sexually open or conservative an individual tends to be is a function of both culture and personal beliefs. There are plenty of white women who tend to be sexually conservative and to save themselves for marriage, there are also tons of Indian and Middle Eastern women who choose to date and to have sexual relationships to blatantly paint one group as loose and another is virtuous is simply myopic.
“There are plenty of white women who tend to be sexually conservative and to save themselves for marriage”
I have never met one, where are they located?
My Indian husband is curious about your vast experience with white women. However aside from that, I know a few white virgins… want to be introduced?
What is he curious about?
And are the women you are talking about morbidly obese or ugly?
So apparently the choice to abstain is not a choice, it’s simply the women that can’t get men that are not having sex. I would love to meet the women that are just letting you “hit it and quit it”.
Do you really think that casual sex isn’t extremely common for white women?
The average white woman has about 7 sexual partners in a lifetime, enough said.
And that’s an average woman, not a playboy playmate.
You all should watch this video and chillout http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I7QwxbImhZI&feature=relmfu
He looks like a monkey
LOL True, And you must look like a whore since you are white women
, MDG why you make these fake a/cs like WhiteWomen & Preeti?
I dunno why many here are writing negatively about Alexis, s/he seems to have stayed within reasonable boundaries, not indulged in name calling, and tried to present his/her point of view, what’s wrong with that ? I did not find a single post of Alexis, that was as bad as some here have made it sound, and while putting down those posts, no one has really bothered to actually address any of the points raised in Alexis’ posts either.
or to rephrase this “I am Alexis”
Good riddance of MIM…hopefully you will cut him off and have no contact with him. You don’t need such “friends” in your life.
[...] you've read my latest post you'd know that MIM and I's relationship has really taken a turn for the worse. But on doing so, [...]
Boy do I feel you. I dated a Pakistani guy for two years. As in ready to get married to him.
He knew beforehand that I’d slept with 2 guys before him, both of whom I’d been in a serious relationship with. He said it was fine.
As soon as we got together, voila, it was suddenly the biggest issue in the world, and he made me feel like shit about it.
Funny enough, the relationship ended when I left him – after discovering he’d been cheating on me with a Turkish girl. Later I found out he’d also been engaged to a Pakistani girl.
I’m very tired of double standards.
Dont date a muslim boy!!
They have 2 rules
1.they themselves can date women but their women should be virgin
2.they will force you to take their religion
You are lucky to be not converted !I myself live in scandinavian country and its so difficult to get a girl of my choice
I am a devout hindu and staunch vegeterian .No girls like my combinations!!
mgd you should seriously quit this blog and move on. mim guy seems to be a looser ( as well as his indian friends. )
I ve been following your blog for a while and looks like it was good while it lasted. But think its time that you moved on for real. away form mim and all his loser friends.
After reading the comments on this section, a few thoughts came to mind.
1. People are fighting with each other for a problem that isn’t even theirs.
2. Few words of consolation were offered to MDG. God bless the ones who did so.
3. Clearly, MDG’S MIM wasn’t a man. He has no culture, he isn’t noble.
4. There are a thousand grounds for fighting in any relationship and very few supports to hold on to to stay together. Finding common ground is the most important requirement of a marriage or relationship. Nobody is perfect, but the worst quality is the inability to live with imperfection. This inability is inherent in most humans, because the definition of imperfection is usually imbibed, imposed or inherited. A lucky few cast away this idea of perfection. A luckier few achieve it, and the luckiest few find people who have achieved it and see their partners as having also achieved it.
5. Evidently, people don’t have patience, or people take their partner’s patience for granted, too long and too many times.
6. Why do girls fail to recognize an asshole when they see one? Why do girls only like “alpha” males?
7. Why do girls always ignore the nice guys? Why are nice guys not exciting or “evolutionarily” capable enough? Is it the male’s fault alone if a relationship goes bad? 90% of men are bad by definition. They are taught from childhood through the media and through peer pressure to be bad and rough and brazen and to ill treat women. This is the case with any race, nation, religion. The rest 10% who are nice, loyal, caring and reserved, are called faggots. They are bullied all their lives. This is a fact. They work hard but are not respected, especially by women. But they are just not attractive to women.
8. MDG, I hope you introspect and remove for sure the possibility that points 7 and 8 apply to you. This is the only unsolicited advice I can offer, though I know you were only wanting to vent and probably not looking for advice. I wish you get a good man. From a race of your choice and liking.
As a man, I will stop thinking about women in general.
MDG, I’m sorry to say this, but all these days I used to think that non-Indian women and Indian men can definitely be life partners, but each time I read about a breakup, I recoil in fear.
The more I see it happen, the more I think that love is a mirage. True love is not what I find on forums like these and in couples. It exists in my heart and mind. I will keep searching for it. God will help me find it.
I pray that God helps everyone to find their love.
Thank you for the interaction,
Regards,
Vijay.
Your last paragraph “love is a mirage..” so poignant. I completely agree with all you have said in your post. I find it hard to believe someone who speaks like this would be overlooked – you sound very grounded to me. After coming out of a relationship and being really shocked by the behaviour of MIM, i feel the same about love – i dont think it can exist for me anyway. Thank you for your words.
//3. Clearly, MDG’S MIM wasn’t a man. He has no culture, he isn’t noble.//
MIM is a devout Muslim, being uncultured/uncivilized , lying , bullying women, criminal are all qualities that are must for a devout Muslim , not his fault he is just following his religion.
To an extent,quran is anti women
Their one of the aim is to convert all of us into believers and make us follow the sick 5 times prayers to a localized god in arab who prophet was a paedophile
MDG did a great mistake by dating with someone who is so devoted to his religio but eventually he was a hypoctire.He had no problem in dating with her ;which is by default against his religion.
India is a completely changed place now.The men and women do have multiple partners before marriage but they don’t live together to an extent.Having 2-3 boy friends before marriage is normal.
Moreover there are some of us who just follow their traditions and toe our parents line;do arranged marriage.
I like western values of open mindedness but their concept on dating is so bitchy.
No two person can be happy with each other.And all relationship will fall if the couples dont marry each other sooner!!
i find it too selfish and narrow minded of merely dating and waiting for marriage..
In this context,i feel lucky to be an Indian and i don’t mind choosing my the partner with my parents advise.
Marriage is supposed to be an act of sanctity for us.
MDG,you are so confused about yourself.
Sebestian,
It is you who appear very confused to me.
On the one side, you say that Indian women having 2-3 partners is normal, and on the other, you say you’d be happy to follow traditions and have an arranged marriage. How would you know who you’re marrying? What are your preferences and expectations from your partner? If you have no reason to believe that a prospective bride has never had boyfriends, what stops you from marrying an American or European or African woman?
On the one side, you say that you like American open-mindedness and immediately you say that Americans are bitchy. How? Is it bitchy to cry for a cheat who wimped out on a promise, on a commitment simply because when he made the commitment, his penis was doing the talk, but when he had to stick to the commitment, his sense of propriety took over?
What kind of moral righteousness are Indian men showing by their behavior?
As an Indian man, I feel disgusted with both cheating Indian men as well as their Parents.
If an Indian boy stole money, his Parents would immediately punish him and redress the situation. If he insulted someone, his Parents would immediately reprimand him, discipline him and make him apologize to his victim.
THEN WHY should the Parents let him get away with, nay, GOAD him into cheating an American woman whom he promised to be with?!
Does this conform to Indian values, traditions and dharma?! NO!
There is no place for a cheat, for a criminal, in any part of the world. He should be reformed and he should be made to redress his mistakes and give his victims their due.
Indian men truly do not know the definition of the term “man”.
All the best.
-Vijay
Bravo!!!!!!
Have to salute you for standing up to such a man. He is going to have a relationship with another woman and he is degrading the women he loved for three years.
Earlier, I got your blog wrong. I am sorrry. My heart goes out to you. Just vent it all on the internet.
Happy venting
Regards,
Gill