Ya'll I'm getting behind, it's true! Your comments on the How Long Did You Wait and Why post were awesome. Really, thank you for taking the time out to share your personal experiences. Not only do they help me, but I believe it has been and will continue to be informative to others who visit the blog. I have fallen behind in responding but I read every single one of your posts with such eagerness!
So here's what I've got for today: I came across these youtube videos in the comments section of another gori blog and after watching them it struck me how often I think of the struggles and differences between western and eastern relationships but don't tend to think about the struggles and differences that go on between couples who are both Indian living in India, but who have different religions, castes, or languages.
This should be so obvious since India is such a diverse country and I have even personally met a girl who's entire village separated due to her marrying outside her caste. Still, I never pondered on it much until watching these interviews between Indian couples.
I've also noticed the religion conversation has started up again in the comments, especially which religion to teach children when there's two religions involved in a marriage, and some couples in these videos along with their children talk about how they've handled multiple religions in one household.
I hope you enjoy the videos below as much as I did. They are not in any set order so you can watch them all or watch whichever title grabs your fancy the most. But if you're anything like me, I couldn't watch just one; I was instantly hooked.
- Ayub didnt expect me to convert: Niharika - Non-religious Woman and Muslim man. Child raised Muslim.
- My mom was bit worried about conversion: Delnaz - Punjabi man and Parsi woman. Also, Muslim woman and Christian man raising children Muslim.
- I follow Hinduism, Islam: Kabeer -Son following both religions. Also, Punjabi man speaks about his son having language problems due to mixed marriage and too many languages in one household.
- We had Hindu, Islam weddings: Amitava, Amona - Indian/Pakistani marriage now living in U.S. who named their daughter using both Hindu and Muslim names. Also, Jewish man and gui-ju woman.
- Size matters in a marriage: Andrea Mata - Catholic and Punjabi, raising son Catholic. Also, a Hindu and Muslim couple who say their son is free to follow whatever religion he wants.
- Mixed marriages are enriching: Actor Yusuf Husain - Had been in 3 marriages, 2 mixed.
Interesting videos! They are addictive, huh? I do find religions in general a fascinating topic and love learning about them and of course how inter-faith relationships work out.
From a religion point of view, I had it easy with my husband. His family is about 50/50 (50% Christian and 50% Hindu) and he was following Christianity since early University days, so we didn’t have many (if any) differences with our religious beliefs. I do think about how different it would have been if my husband was Hindu. From the way we view our relationship and how we’ve blended our lives, I think we probably would have raised the kids with knowledge of both religions and when they were old enough they could choose what path they wanted to follow. I wouldn’t have forced my husband to convert and I wouldn’t have converted to Hinduism simply because those are not my beliefs. That said, we would have found a way to blend the two and celebrate our religions as equally as we could. He would have gone to church with me and I would have gone to the temple with him. Fortunately (or unfortunately?) we don’t have the challenge of blending religions.
I often find myself reminding my husband that if there are any family traditions or Hindu holidays that have a special place in his heart, that we should incorporate those in our lives as well. He always tells me that he really wasn’t into the Hindu holidays and Gods, so there’s not really anything that stands out which he’d like to incorporate. When we do (hopefully!) have children, I want them to know where their father comes from and the rich heritage India has, but curious to know how to bring that in since my husband doesn’t really seem particularly “Indian”. What I mean by that is, there aren’t Hindu traditions we follow since he’s not Hindu, he never was big on wearing Indian-style clothing – even when he was young and growing up in India. The only influences you see in our house currently are we do rather enjoy the food and artwork. I enjoy Indian movies and music too, so our future children will at least have some exposure.
seems like it must of been a pretty easy transition for the both of you klak!
It really was. Actually, I’m Roman Catholic and my hubby was Christian – but our underlying beliefs really were pretty much the same. He asked if he could learn more about Catholicism, and of course I said he was free to learn more about it and ask me questions, but I wasn’t going to force anything on him. He went to RCIA for about a year and decided he wanted to convert since he really likes the church we go to now, and the plan would be to send our future kids to the school there.
One of the responses of the people in the video was that a person shouldn’t convert just because their spouse is of a certain religion. Rather, a person should only convert if they truly believe in what that certain religion teaches because what would happen if the two should divorce? Would the person who converted go back to their original religion? I’ve always found it interesting that some people can just up and convert to a completely different faith because I have to wonder if they truly believe or if they are just doing so for the sake of their spouse. In my husband’s and my case, the underlying belief was the same. Catholics are part of the Christian umbrella, so it wasn’t a huge step to convert.
Agreed. I’ve always told MIM I would never convert and to make sure his family would be aware of this. I am not a very religious person, so what is the point of converting if I won’t truly believe it in my heart?
Interesting. Even though my husband and I are both Roman Catholic, the difference between Indian Roman Catholic and Irish/American Roman Catholic are vast. Just the difference in perspectives of drinking alone! I think so much of one’s culture can get caught up in religion, and vice versa, that sometimes it’s hard to differentiate.
I am glad you have not converted to another religion when you truly don’t believe it in your heart. It is always best to be upfront with your partner and their family from day one otherwise the relationship will always be prone to stress as the partners family will pressure you in converting for as long as you and they are alive. This would not make for a happy relationship.
Indian culture is full of clashes. Religion, caste and so on. For Indians who have not yet found their love try reading my Indian Dating Guide. I hope it helps.