Our Day of Closure and the End of This Blog?

MIM and I planned yesterday to be our day to meet up, to talk face to face, and have proper closer if need be. My friends and family didn't understand the whole "meeting in person for closure" idea, as they believe if something is over, it's over, and what good is meeting in person going to do?

I could understand their points of view but that didn't stop me from wanting to see MIM again. And in fact, after texting MIM, "Can we meet to talk?" and receiving a big, fat, capital letters "NO", I wasn't sure it was ever going to happen. But I don't give up that easily, and soon we made plans to meet at 4pm at his place, where we talked while taking a stroll through the nearby park where we've walked hand in hand many times before.

At the start, MIM was very stiff and wouldn't even look at me. It brought back memories of when we first met and he was too shy to hardly make eye contact with me. I did most of the talking at first, with uncomfortable silence coming from his end. I brought up the topics of whether we thought this could work or not, whether we wanted it to work or not, and asked if our differences were too great.

MIM finally responded that he believes our differences are too great and that he realizes he would be better off with an Indian girl after all, someone from his same background and culture. He said he is happy we dated though, as it helped him realize this. "And you can go back to dating white guys who understand your culture," he said.

Ok, fair enough, I thought, although I didn't quite believe he believed everything he was saying.

Still walking, I then brought up my blog which seemed a little off topic; "Do you think the blog affected us in anyway?" I asked. He didn't understand what I meant. "Well," I continued, "everyone's comments and suggestions, do you think they've affected how we think and react to each other at all?"

I brought this up not only because I thought I started noticing MIM's views on me as a white American woman were tending to sound similar to certain hurtful blog comments, but also because of a film I recently watched titled We Live in Public, where a relationship was filmed and broadcast online 24/7 that ultimately led to when the couple argued, instead of working things out between each other ran to their prospective computers to see what the readers had to say about the fight. The couple then began reacting to each other after being influenced by the fan's viewpoints instead of what they personally may have felt in their own hearts. To say the least, the concept freaked me out a little and I started to question if this blog could have affected MIM and I negatively in any way as well.

MIM didn't think this to be true between us, but I still can't help but question if we'd be better off going back to complete anonymity. I'm considering saying goodbye to this blog and closing this chapter of my life. It's been an amazing experience, I've met some wonderful people through it, and I've greatly enjoyed the process of writing, taking photos, posting, and reading what you all have to say. But I don't want it to have any negative affects on MIM and I, and I'd like to go back to a day where we didn't always reference the blog in conversation and what "he or she said". I'm still sorting it out within me.

So, did we get our closure? Well, sort of, and in a funny, ironic way too. As the walk and talk continued on, we grew more comfortable with each other and ended up not wanting to part, so we didn't. Instead, we went to the movie theatre and watched The Social Network, a movie about the founders of facebook. As we were heading home from the theatre, MIM says sarcastically, "our relationship began and ended with facebook."

I laughed. He's right. I guess it did.

MIM and I still love each other a lot. We know this by after 3 years together still having to tear ourselves away from each other. But we're also trying to be smart about our relationship and look ahead into the future and all the possible hardships we may have to come across. Is it a good idea to continue?

What we've decided for now is to go our separate ways, but as two people who really care about the other, and to simply see what fate has in store for us. I am leaving for the cruise ship November 15th. He has a year of grad school left. We'll both be keeping busy. At the end of the year perhaps he'll find a job, and I'll have a good amount of money saved up from the ship, and we could begin a life together, actually moving forward instead of being as stagnant as we have been. Until then, MDG and MIM are taking different paths.

Even though we hadn't spoken in a month, and then it took a while to warm up to each other when we did finally meet, and although we ultimately decided to part, it was so sweet when he whispered in my ear at the end of the night: "don't go."

I didn't.